I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize