You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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