dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
