Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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