If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize