Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
