how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
