JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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