He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
