Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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