Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
