I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
