She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
