I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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