Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
