I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
