I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
