wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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