Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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