So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize