I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
