apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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