i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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