also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
