I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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