Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
