I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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