I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
