So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
