I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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