apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
