Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
