one might say we're banned from that church
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
