He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
