We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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