I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is the high leading the old right now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
