I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
