Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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