She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
