drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
