I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
