I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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