I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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