so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
