I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
