he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize