so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
