My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
