She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
