Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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