I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
