If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
