talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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