my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
