im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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