Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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