summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
