Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
