Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
