Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
