i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
