So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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