So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
