I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
