remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
