I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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