I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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