i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
