she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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