I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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