I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
