perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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