i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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