he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
