I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
